Not long ago I was chatting with a friend via instant message. Naturally, we discussed the topic of my cancer and the return and upcoming treatments. Since most of the information from the doctors uses words like "chronic" or treatments are "palliative, not curative", he had a pointed question for me.
"So, how is your relationship with the guy upstairs?"
His question set me back for about a half second and then the answer came to me quite naturally (and I paraphrase) but I said..."Well, it's like any Father - Daughter relationship -- He is usually right and I don't see it or understand it now but I will see the Light one of these days. Right now, I'm kind of like a pouting teenager because this is really not in my plan right now."
I guess that really sums up things for cancer patients in general. We get angry -- I mean really angry. Some days I would love to throw myself on the floor and throw a temper tantrum and scream until i have no voice and am blue in the face. Really? Really God? Do I have to deal with this? I was just getting my life together. Another curve ball? REALLY? I have a career I'm liking. I want to travel. I was just getting my hair healthy from the last round. Really? Sigh...some of the anger seems relevant and some of it seems petty and small, but feelings are feelings and they are all over the place.
So, after I got over my anger and put all of my plans in place -- moving, shopping for my wig, picking up my whole circle of friends and going back home, re-living teenage "space" issues with my parents, it finally dawned on me. I am right where I am supposed to be.
Home. I can look across the living room of the Coco Lounge and see Dad over in his TV room. He's here for me and I'm here for him. So together we are right where our Father upstairs wants us -- taking care of each other. This, of course, includes my sister and brother and their families nearby as well. I'm making up for all those selfish years on my own.
The Man upstairs and I still have a few things to work out and so does the Man across the hall, but we will get by and have a good time for now.